I’m in midair, between trapezes. Yep, just like the Coldplay song…..
MAYBE I’M IN THE BLACK, MAYBE I’M ON MY KNEES
MAYBE I’M IN THE GAP BETWEEN THE TWO TRAPEZES
BUT MY HEART IS BEATING
AND MY PULSES START
CATHEDRALS IN MY HEART
I’m not a super Coldplay fan, but love the gap between trapezes analogy.
It perfectly captures that very exciting and scary experience of releasing old grips and flying untethered in limbo for an intense, (but hopefully brief) period of time.
You’ve likely at least once taken that wingless leap of faithandhad thewillingness to risk not catching hold of something new, something safe that carries you towards what’s next.
Imagine right now being between trapezes. That rollercoaster feeling that heaves the belly up into the throat.
I think many necessary changes in our lives often involve this ungrounded experience of flying way too fast through space.
And, suffice it to say I seem to have a lot of this kind of change going on right now. (Gulp.) So, this is a bit of a heart-to-heart email from me to you.
Generally, I like my change to be a safer variety.
I like to have all my future ducks in a row before releasing the current ones to flap their winged way back into the wild. But / And….
My hat is off to the fabled squirrel who spent the summer stockpiling his foraged nuts while the other animals frolicked in the daisies, because he was the only one not starving through the winter. But I’m also learning that spending the summer moving to another forest altogether is at some crucial moment going to be the best use of my time.
Especially if the new forest has more nuts– or maybe just more of my favorite kind of nut.
(No I’m not leaving San Francisco or changing careers. Keep reading.)
Time waits for no one.
And there is something called “divine timing” and divine timing is yet another thing we have no GUARANTEED control over, though some of us are pretty skilled at dancing with it.
……..So, back to your international email airport…….
I hope you enjoyed a bit of quiet and spaciousness in the place where my emails would have landed– even if it didn’t totally register that my emails were missing.
In order to write stuff relevant to both of us, I have to know what I’m doing in the future, where I’ll be and what I’ll be offering.
Good things are VISIBLE on my horizon. People with second trapezes are planning to swing them out for me. But in their own time and in their own way.
I’ve never had so many bright shiny opportunities pass before me as I’ve had the past few months, involving everything I do– from virtual courses to my weekly yoga classes. And the opportunities are coming from really cool individuals as well as major-player companies like Gaiam and Levi-Strauss. I’m humbled and grateful.
Hopefully, a few of these second trapeze opportunities will be there for me at the right moment. That when I let go of one thing to reach for a new thing….that divine timing will be on my side and my hands will be strong.
Um, do I have a safety net?
In all this uncertainty, I have to be my own safety net. I have to trust myself in that gap between trapezes. That if I fall, I’ll fall well.
I try to have faith in those I collaborate with, but I have been left empty handed. I’ve had my whole year filled up by a Great Opportunity only to have the opportunity go away right as the year begins.
This is where self-love, self-care, self-trust are the safety net. They’re luxurious in the most stable, easiest situations of life. In the riskiest times of life, they save our ass.
Here’s some simple, on-the-mat-yoga analogies that mirror the risky gap between trapezes:
— We set the meditation timer for a duration that’s twice as long as we’re used to and we risk struggling through the extra practice time to a point that we feel worse after practice than before.
— We try a scary arm balancing posture that gives us vertigo. We risk a bloody nose. And then, the moment our head rises and we’re seeing stars, we also hear the squirrel on the mat next to us snickering.
— We try an inner form of yoga or therapy that promises to heal by putting us face to face with the parts of ourselves we’ve avoided looking at. In doing so, we risk making our life even more painful before the healing begins.
We risk in order to grow. And each opportunity for growth has it’s own kind of gap between the trapezes.
And here’s how all of this applies to me (and you) in a more concrete way.
I seek opportunities that serve me (and you). I serve you best by serving myself first so I’ve much more to share with you. When a situation no longer serves, I have to let go— maybe even if there’s no second trapeze guaranteed to swing.
More updates about my plans as info crystallizes. Here’s what I can say for sure….
Many changes have already begun on all fronts– in my studio, in other people’s studios where I teach classes and workshops, with my corporate partners, with my virtual offerings and products.
In each of these areas, some things have and will be let go of even if there’s no replacement.
Here’s one concrete example, I’VE CUT THE NUMBER OF STUDIOS WHERE I TEACH WORKSHOPS IN HALF, keeping only the studios that are workshop “gems” for me. And I’ll continue cutting.
So, if I don’t do another workshop at your studio in the future, just know the studio isn’t bad, it’s simply my divine timing dance is no longer in step with theirs.
I’ve put a higher value on my time, energy and expertise because you and I are both worth it.
I want to work with studios who are organized, do what they SAY they’re going to do and really truly have YOUR best interest at heart, which means I have to feel okay while I’m there. Because each of these things affects your experience and practice of yoga. By valuing my time/ energy/ expertise, I value yours.
Likewise, I want to work in my studio with private clients who show up on time but also show up in spirit, really ready to get real and heal.
Thank you for sticking with me. And maybe even for leaping with me during some future swing of trapezes.
I hope my honesty about our / my future resonates with you. Perhaps it sounds a tad dramatic. Hopefully it won’t be.
But let’s hope it’s thrilling!
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